Homeward Bound

Homeward bound
Home, where my thought’s escaping
Home, where my music’s playing
Home, where my love lies waiting
Silently for me – Simon & Garfunkle

Today I fly home. There is something about a long journey that helps process things more. We’ve driven the roads from Ft. Lauderdale to Yakima before. Long ago when our children were young. We were young. It was an adventure then. One that left mama and I holding back tears when it was time to say goodbye. Knowing the distance would keep our visits to once a year. Phone calls, lengthy monthly calls. flying, a necessity, but the mind, the heart need more time to say goodbye before slipping into the next role. The heart needs to feel the heaviness of leaving, the longing of wanting more.

It was 1971. That spring my parents divorced. My brother was 11, me coming up on 14. It was mama’s decision to allow my brother to go with dad at the end of the school year. A boy needed his father at this age. How can a heart love enough to give up one? Sacrificial really.

Two years later mama would remarry and I would decide to move with dad. I didn’t tell her. I went for the summer and stayed. Secrets you know. Already bred in this family. Daddy had been married for some time but I was selfish with mama, not wanting to share so I moved. She let me go. Another act of courage. Great love. Love I nevr understood until becoming a parent.

And now it’s my turn. To love in a way I never understood. I want home. The home where my music plays and my quiet love awaits. But I want to be here too and hold her hand as we walk to the car. To have her look for me, making sure I’m near. I don’t want to leave this woman again. But she taught me. She showed me the hard sacrifice of love. Love that must leave, love that allows one to go. Love that hurts.

What a time to contemplate this. The time Jesus made his sacrifice for us. Love. A love unending. His love for me. Mine for him. Mine for mama. She showed me the way.

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About Deborah Hudson

I serve in ministry alongside my husband. We are currently working in the recovery community as administrators of a residential program for men who have lost their way in life, many due to substance abuse issues. This program is called an Adult Rehabilitation Center under the direction of The Salvation Army. My husband and I are officers in this organization and as such, ordained ministers. I have two grown children and one delightful granddaughter. I'm also learning to deal with the effects of dementia as my mother is caught in the mire of this disease. I drink too much Pepsi and sing too loud in my car. I blog about my life. Life among people in recovery, life as a journeyer, life unexpected. My life has the typical messiness of the day to day and in the midst of the mess of me is grace. View all posts by Deborah Hudson

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