Those Hard Times

She stood outside my door, her hands holding these tiny books all prettied up. “They’re for you”, she said. She is a generous soul this woman almost 10 years my junior and half a foot taller. I knew what these books meant. Why she chose me to share them with. She was there when life was all turned up and I didn’t know if it would settle. She read the emails sent to her with the subject line: “I’m scared”. She listen, supported, prayed. Oh did she pray.

It’s funny how these life detours play out. One minute, you’re there for support and the next you’re realizing there’s something in this excursion for you too. Our lives are intertwined by blood. Not blood she and I share but that shared between her husband and I that makes her family. The blood of Christ is the most important we share. That is the strongest, I hope will always be strongest.

God knows my need. Knows our need I believe, each one of us. And I needed people. People who cared, who I could share with and would come alongside during a time where I felt things spinning away from my grasp. Maybe that was God’s idea, to get them out of my grasp and into His. He did. He gave me two new friends that are far away but never left my side.

That’s a challenge of officership – no friends. Not the kind of friends that know you and share history with you. The kind that have seen you stripped bare with grief and longing. Exiled in a new place where I wondered if I’d ever find my way.

But she has. Has been there. We’re not the touchy-feely friends who end our convo’s with “love ya”. That week, the week I couldn’t sleep or keep my mouth shut from incessant nervous chatter, I hugged her tight before we left. She was there. For it all. Calling, texting, sharing scripture and writing them on her palms to keep His word in front of her.

These little books say Grace, Hope and Trust. The hardest for me is trust. I know that. Realize it more and more, I’m afraid. This day, I trusted her. Trusted to let her in. To see the ugly me. She could have run. Made up an excuse not to listen. She was there, body and soul.

All of this is another reminder of God’s love for me. For me. The ugly me. The needy me. The out of control me. The me so mad I can’t even form prayers in my mind. That’s the me God loves without fail.

The book with the word trust on it carries the subtitle Psalm 91. Here is the last portion of that text as the Message writes it:

“If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God, 
      “I’ll get you out of any trouble. 
   I’ll give you the best of care 
      if you’ll only get to know and trust me. 
   Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times; 
      I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party. 
   I’ll give you a long life, 
      give you a long drink of salvation!”

 

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About Debby

I am a wife, mama, MeMe, sister, daughter, recovering controlling person, music-lover, learner, listener, talker, laugher and generally loud person. I see life as a journey and try to follow God's directions to make my path straight but more times than not I wonder off the edges and find myself in the thicket. In midst of the messiness of me, I know I am living in graceland. View all posts by Debby

17 responses to “Those Hard Times

  • kylie

    this is a lovely tribute to your friend and to friendship in general and i know just what you mean, my best friends, the ones who have “seen” and accepted me in all my fear and ugliness are mostly bloggers, on another continent but always close by.

    and isnt it a lovely thing that we get a lifetime to practice at things like trust :)

    • Debby

      Yes, Kylie, what a gift to have a lifetime to practice trust. I need it! Some things just don’t as quickly as others do they? And I’m not alone on this journey. Thank you for your encouragement!

  • iamnotshe

    What a great friend you have! I feel the pain of pulling up roots and leaving some of these fine friends behind (NOT IN YOUR HEART) but by way of moving to your next mission. That is hard. I am so glad YOU are my friend, and that we share strong blood XO mel

  • Heidi

    I’m so happy to see you’re on the other side of all of this. What a thoughtful gift. I have always wanted to be known and to know. I wasn’t always healthy enough to give. I’m grateful to be getting to know you here and will look forward to the work He does in all of our lives. I’m so tickled that you shared this, you know. Thanks.

    • Debby

      Heidi, your words are making me get teary and I don’t know why. I think Melis started it ;) I’m just overwhelmed with God’s care of me and who he has used. To be reminded of his care in such a visible way is awesome. Thank YOU!

  • grand-player

    I love this post and love that you have an intimate friend. Definition of intimacy: Into me see – and she didn’t run!

    • Debby

      Gwen – I’ve not ever heard that but love it. into me see. Perfect. Thank you for sharing that. I’m jotting that in my “her heart shines on” notebook.

  • iamnotshe

    https://iamnotshe.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/reader-appreciation-award/ OK lady, get busy accepting the READER APPRECIATION AWARD. How many times have you received this! THIS one you could and should take to the bank on my account. THANK you for all your support. LOVE, melis

  • Debbie

    Dear friend of my heart,
    I’m so thankful you have someone so intuitive and in touch to share with. What a rare gift!
    I’m thankful those particular hard days have passed.
    I’m thankful in the knowledge that when other hard times come, you will have have your family/friend and those of us here who’ve grown to love you, to pray with you and for you and shoulder a little of what can be carried by others.
    Trust, Hope, Grace. That pretty well sums it up, doesn’t it.
    Have a Stupendous weekend!
    Debbie

    • Debby

      Debbie, can you believe she found those little books at Walmart? I looked at my Walmart – not there :( Speaking of books, I hope the one I sent your way will be arriving soon.
      I’ve always known I can’t get through this life alone. I just didn’t expect so much of the support would come ‘virtually’. But prayer knows no bounds or limitations. Neither does God. I’m learning. I think.
      Thank you, thank you for your friendship. Amazing woman you are! (Yoda speak, huh)

  • judikruis

    I had a dear friend give me Psalm 91 at a rough time too. A balm of His grace, shared by another’s hand. That “into me see” is fabulous Gwen! So much beauty in you Debby – thank you for sharing it with us.

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